The late afternoon sun is casting long shadows behind us. Happily you walk with me as we approach the gate. Out for an autumn forest ride. Our last forest ride. It’s only me who is melancholic, you have no clue.
Outside you are waiting patiently until I have fixed the girth, stirrups and my helmet. Once I mount, I feel you want to go, yet waiting for my signal. A little opening of the knees, and quietly you walk away from the parking lot.
In the forest the trees have been coloring. What once was green, now is red, yellow and brown. The last sunbeams peak trough the trees as they play even more with the colors.
We cross the road. It’s busy on the road. You don’t care.
We meet another horse. Frantically jumping around, big and black with a blaze. The girl is very tensed. Spurs, whip, protection around the legs of that horse, extra rains for braking, very short stirrups. As we pass, the horse almost freaks out. I try to greet the girl but she is far too busy controlling her horse. All you do is raise an ear. If you would have eyebrows, you would have raised one. Easily we walk on with long rains in the evening forest.
I snirk. Why the hell would you want such a sport horse? But then I remember that just a year ago we were jumping through the forest just like that. We’ve come far.
As we move on you decide the way. I just make sure we stay on riding tracks as I lose myself in the colors and the trees. Today you may decide the speed as well. Easily walking over little paths, full speed gallop over wide open lanes. I close my eyes and feel your muscles working. I hear your footsteps in the sand and feel the wind around my face. When I open my eyes I have no clue where we are. As the dusk sets in I decide to give you completely free rains. Through the dark forest over little paths where we have never been before you guide me home. Illegal that is, as you take us away from the riding tracks to take the shortest route. The soothing, secure tölt rhythm of your hoofs makes me fully trust you on the way back.
Today we stand next to the gate again. In the high grass we are waiting. You still have no clue what is going on, and you don’t care as you get to eat the high, fresh grass. A trailer approaches and enthusiastically you follow me outside the fence. We’re going somewhere! As I walk you in the trailer I feel like a betrayer. A selfish fool. What the hell am I doing? A last kiss and an apple before the trailer drives away. I’m left behind, you go alone.
And suddenly I realized.
It has been a year and a day.
A year and a day that I have not been writing on my blog.
A year and a day in which a lot has happened.
A year and a day in which I have been alive as never before.
A year and a day where I took risks and chances.
A year and a day in which I’ve laughed and cried.
Up to the next year and a day filled with love and laughter, and hopefully a bit more blog updates!
The weather is beautiful outside. It is 16 degrees Celsius, the sun is shining like there is no tomorrow, and yet it is autumn. I should go out on this sunny day to enjoy the last waves of summer.
But frankly, I don’t want to. In fact, I haven’t even opened my curtains today. Because I know when I open them, I let the outside world in my save little room, and together, that leaves me exposed to the outside world. Than I’ll have to put on the happy face and smile again.
Most people know me like smiling forever after. This image I have created myself, on purpose. It is good, for people to see me smiling.
Imagine this: You walk in the mornings over street. Doesn’t matter if it is from home to your car, to the bus or to work. You meet people. Your todays mood isn’t completely determined yet. Your eyes cross with a stranger, who throws a smile at you. All you can do when something is thrown at you unexpectedly is catch it instinctively isn’t it? So you catch the smile, realize the day ain’t that bad, and you throw one back at the stranger.
Imagine how the stranger feels, getting smiled at the whole day.
You see my strategy. I smile at people. Even when I don’t feel like smiling. The dear ones who really know me, see when the smile is fake. But that doesn’t influence the effect on strangers. All the smiles I get back, give me so much positive energy, and with me, everyone around me. And thus, I was creating energy out of nothing. (And herewith, I nominate myself for the Nobel price of Physics for my everyday activity of creating energy out of nothing)
Once I got the comment whether this is the right thing. To smile the whole day, pretending the happy girl I would want to be. But the thing is, I’m not pretending to be anything I’m not. I just fake a smile once in a while. Is that a crime?
By summer changing into autumn, I thought it was about time to transport my weblog to a new domain.
I’m still trying to figure things out, at least all my old weblog posts are here, but I’m not sure that I can publish my pictures in photo-albums here as well. Since I’m busy busy with daily life as well, it might take some time for me to have it all figured out, but drafts for a new entry are in my head. I just can’t seem to get them on paper, but as soon as the right words are coming to my mind I will share them.
Hopefully see you soon!